You know you're cheap when...

You know you’re cheap when you ‘re determined to host garage sale despite the lack of a garage/driveway

You know you’re cheap when a friend, enduring some sort of crisis, calls you and you pretend not to notice because your free minutes don’t start until 9p.

You are so desperate that you sneak out of your parents house with a bag full potatoes.

You’re cheap when you fill your gas tank up ½ full with gasoline & fill the remainder with water.

Your underwear has been worn down to a mere pile of elastic strings & has yet to be retired.

You know you’re a cheap-o when you stop and ask the beggar on the street corner if HE has some change to spare.

When you are committed to the idea of offering to do chores in exchange for a few bucks from the parents with whom you haven’t lived with since college.

You know you’re cheap when you start going out of your way to meet everyone else where it’s convenient for them rather than meeting at the ½ way point & subtly complain about how LONG the drive was and how it just ATE up your gas.

When you sneak your fifth of booze into the bar so that you can gulp it down in the bathroom like a high school freshman at his/her first dance.

When you decide to “check out” your movie from the library as opposed to spending $1 and renting a new release at the McDonald’s Redbox .

You know you are cheap when, to avoid speculation, you pretend to be Jewish.

When you have to put both yourself & your cat on the astronauts diet/college diet consisting of ramen noodles, and other dehydrated, cheap excuses for food.

Upon running out of toilet paper, you rummage through the garbage in attempt to use anything that can be salvaged.

You know you’re cheap when, months after being fired, you continue to contact your x-boss in order to confirm that you have received every last penny you deserved.